Everyone knows giant aliens plan on collecting us for their kids’ birthday party piñatas. Our ancestors have been warning us about this ever since this famous Ecuadorian rock art that I most certainly did not make up!
So once you’re in, here’s how to survive.
Step One: Location, location, location.
If the piñata is a traditional star shape or some type of person/animal effigy, try to climb through the twist of bodies to an appendage of the piñata.
This assumes you are alive.
Step Two: Lie.
Encourage everyone else to play dead “because alien kids will leave you alone if you aren’t wiggling.” You are lying and now you have first dibs on hand-holds. Alien kids are like human kids when it comes to candy. We don’t like it moving.
Step Three: Fall on the corpses.
You will eventually fall. Use everyone else as a cushion.
Step Four: Dance!
Put on a real show! Use the hats and such of the dead around you as props – even use the bodies. Really sell it. Maybe you can be a pet instead of the snack that spoils an alien kid’s supper.
Step Five: Go out with attitude.
If you must be eaten, spoil an alien kid’s supper so he gets in trouble.
Now it's your turn to write fake survival instructions for YOU'VE BEEN PLACED IN A GIANT ALIEN'S PINATA . . .
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