You see, Officer, I know I was speeding and all but can you blame me? I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and for me, when nature calls like this I have only a few minutes tops to get to a toilet. You don’t want to see or smell what will happen if you don’t let me go really quick, I promise you that!
On top of that, I have an itch in the middle of my back that I just can’t seem to reach. Between the distraction of wiggling to get the itch and clenching to hold onto my dignity I must have also stomped on the accelerator.
And then I heard your siren but I wasn’t sure if it was behind me or ahead or on a cross street because the itch and my aching bowels had me a little disoriented. I thought I better get to a safe place and not get in the way of emergency vehicles. I mean, what if it had been an ambulance or a fire truck!
But none of those compared with the blindness. I’m blind. I couldn’t read the speedometer. You wouldn’t arrest a blind man just because he couldn’t see the speedometer, would you? You’re not a hate-monger, are you? Can I go to the bathroom now?
Now it's your turn to write an excuse to use for SPEEDING . . .
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