215-word Excuses to Use for NOT VOTING

None.

215-word Excuses to Use for - Kicking the Cat

It's a cat. Do I need an excuse? Have you met cats? Especially ours. It think it isbetter than us even though we feed it, water it, empty its litter box, give it a home. Stupid thing just glares at me like I'm the stupid one. It barely tolerates my petting it.

Cats are all prideful attitude, no contribution. If cats were people they would be politicians. That's why I don't need any excuse to kick the cat.

215-word Excuses to use for - Picking Your Nose

I wasn’t picking my nose! Don’t be gross. That’s so condescending of you. I was checking for nasal cavity cancer.

No, no it is a real thing! And it runs in my family.

Yes, I get the pun about noses and ‘runs.’ I do. Not funny. Not even as funny as nose cancer, which is not funny. Neither are nasal polyps, which are real too.

Why aren’t YOU checking your nose?

Now it's your turn to write an excuse to use for PICKING YOUR NOSE, ER MY NOSE . . .

215-word Excuses to Use for - Speeding

You see, Officer, I know I was speeding and all but can you blame me? I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and for me, when nature calls like this I have only a few minutes tops to get to a toilet. You don’t want to see or smell what will happen if you don’t let me go really quick, I promise you that!

On top of that, I have an itch in the middle of my back that I just can’t seem to reach. Between the distraction of wiggling to get the itch and clenching to hold onto my dignity I must have also stomped on the accelerator.

And then I heard your siren but I wasn’t sure if it was behind me or ahead or on a cross street because the itch and my aching bowels had me a little disoriented. I thought I better get to a safe place and not get in the way of emergency vehicles. I mean, what if it had been an ambulance or a fire truck!

But none of those compared with the blindness. I’m blind. I couldn’t read the speedometer. You wouldn’t arrest a blind man just because he couldn’t see the speedometer, would you? You’re not a hate-monger, are you? Can I go to the bathroom now?

Now it's your turn to write an excuse to use for SPEEDING . . .